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KLUIVERT REPORT 1

wilmo_duke on 7. Jun, 2012 — Lang: English

KLUIVERT REPORT 1
  • Description

    Live from the Afterlife channel, the greatest talkshow host who ever lived...again.

    Transcript

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    THE KLUIVERT REPORT

    AfterLife Channel brings you Stephan Kluivert, the greatest talkshow host who ever lived...again

    Hello, everyone, and welcome to the show. What an exciting midnight here in Los Demonios, where the Underworld Nations Summit is in full swing.

    After pulling some strings back at the UN, the AfterLife Channel managed to summon a very special guest for you folks tonight. He's one of the Underworld leaders, and not just anyone. Aside from his active involvement in matters of underworld peace, he is also one of the most humaneatarian leaders out there. Give it up for the popular, the ruthless, Mort Clooney...

    Mr. Clooney. Welcome to the show. Busy, busy, huh?

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    Hi Steve.You bet. We got a lot of issues on the table. And now with the brimstone spill...

    Before we get into that...I hear you've made a sizeable donation to the Victims of the Undead Civil War Foundation. As a vampire myself, I want to thank you very much. How much did you give?

    Actually, Steve, it was my girlfriend's idea. Hi, honey! We donated about 100,000 live humans to the Foundation. And we got 50,000 more on their way. I just hope the trucks can make it across the Valley of the Shadow of Death in time. Last time there was a huge delay due to a re-suicide attack. These horrorists!

    I know. They're terrible. Hope it all works out though. Got another question for you. I heard you played a prank on your colleague Brad Tarpitt, the UN Sin Secretary. Can you DO that?

    Ha, ha, Steve, you're good. Well, I can't say that you can, but you know what? It was an innocent joke. Me and Matt Demon, the Disease Secretary set it up. We sneaked in his hotel room and stole his wife's legs.

    Wow. Angelbloodina's legs. Didn't she wake up?

    No. She sleept like a baby at sacrifice. You should have seen Brad's face in the morning when he tried to sneak a morning quickie. It was hilarious!!!

    Come on! you stayed over 'till morning? Now, that is SICK!

    Hi, hi, hi...

    Thank you so much for coming Mr. Clooney. That was Mort Clooney for you folks. I'm Stephan Kluivert and I wish you a horrific night!

    Tags:
    satire, humor, celebrities
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Comments

  • wilmo_duke 7.6.2012
    ...hang on for our next episode of The Kluivert Report with guest Richard Dawkills who is touring Califurnace to promote his latest book: The Earth Delusion. Right here on Afterlife Channel.

    edited by owner

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