Epic Rap Battles of History Pardoy 3: Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris
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Four score, and 65 years in the past, I won the civil war with my beard, now I'm here to woop your ass. I've read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears? Well tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career? You washed up has been on TVs selling Total Gyms, and you gonna lose this battle like you lost "Return of the Dragon". I'll rip you chest hairs up, put them in my mouth, I squash you like I squashed the South. I never told a lie and I won't start now, you're a horse with a limp, I'll put you down!
This isn't Gettysburg punk, I suggest retreating, for I invented rap music when my heart started beating. Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose, my raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth.
I got my face on the side of a mountain, you voted for John McCain. I got a bucket full on my head, and I'm about to make it rain. You block bullets with your beard? I catch'em with my skull! I make fun of Walker Texas Ranger, but I never even seen that show.
I'm Chuck fucking Norris. I've spread more blood and gore than fourty score of your puny civil wars bitch! I split the Union, with a roundhouse kick. I wear a black belt on the beard, that I grow on my dick. I attack sharks, when I smell them bleed. I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me. My fists, make the speed of light, wish that it was faster, you may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
The next time....
Sarah Palin VS Lady Gaga