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Calendar Constrictions

Pen_alias on 6. Aug, 2017 — Lang: English

Calendar Constrictions
  • Transcript


    Is today a holiday? It feels like it should be a holiday.

    Well, it’s not.

    It must be something somewhere. Maybe it’s like Take Your Boa Constrictor To Work Day in one of those out of the way countries where they do that sort of thing.

    Do you have a boa constrictor?


    Then that sort of leaves you out, doesn’t it?

    Well that hardly seems fair. Where do they get off having holidays that can’t be celebrated by people without boa constrictors?

    What right do they even have to own boa constrictors? Boa constrictors crave freedom; they hate being constricted!

    They can dish it out but they can’t take it, huh?

    Hey, that’s right! Where do they get off complaining about being constricted? All they do is constrict! They’re hypocrites; that’s what they are!

    Down with boa constrictors! And whatever you do, don’t take them to work!

    That’s always been my policy.

    Folks, don’t take your boa constrictor to work with you today; he doesn’t want to see what you do all day. Instead, take the day off and spend it at home with your boa constrictor. Serve him breakfast in bed: something healthy but constrict-able.

    nothing of importance
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  • NeoChomik 11.8.2017
    Why couldn't it be "new can of soda" day
  • snakeoil 7.8.2017
    I'd rather stay home with the hamsters! 8D
  • MadameCercle 7.8.2017
    Gentil conseil.
  • MrTerrorKiller 7.8.2017
    Damn I left mine watch over the hamsters, should prolly have taken him to work...
  • craigdragon 6.8.2017
    Thank you for this. I was going to take him to my job of watching after rabbits, mice, girbels, and all manner of small rodents, but my mind has been changed.

Displaying 5 out of 5 comments.